


Iridescent

by Little_Neliel



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slightly Alternate Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 16:19:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/652145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Neliel/pseuds/Little_Neliel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ending feels for Steve and Kaidan. Starting at the London run and finishing sometime Post-EC.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> <3 me some Cortenko so I wanted to give them a good ending.  
> Buuuuut angst feels got in the way first -.-  
> There will be fluff...  
> At some point...  
> Promise!

"Steve!" Shepard's shout was drowned out by Kaidan's voice over the comm unit. The pilot groaned and slowly cracked open his eyes. He hissed and closed his left one as blood flowed into it. He raised a hand to feel a gash on his forehead, he must have hit it off something during the landing. Keeping pressure on it with one hand he flicked the button for the comm with the other.

"I'm okay. The Kodiak's probably done for. I won't be able to get you out of there."

"Get yourself out of there ASAP, Lieutenant," Shepard commanded, "We'll find another extraction."

"Aye aye, sir," he cut the comm and fished for the medkit in the cockpit. He found a small pack of medigel and some bandages. With quick movements he spread the gel on the gash and placed a bandage over it. "Good enough," he muttered to himself and he slid out of the pilot's chair and proceeded to take stock of his surroundings. He pulled up the diagnostic panel behind the pilot's chair.

Structurally the Kodiak was intact, but the front thrusters had been torn off in the crash, she wouldn't fly again. The outer cameras were damaged in the crash, he wasn't able to get an kind of idea of where he had landed. The comm relays were still online, but the locator and navigation were both fried. He pulled up his Omni-tool, "EDI, can you locate the Kodiak? Navigation's offline and I need to know how far I am from London base."

There was silence for a minute, then EDI's voice filled the shuttle, "Located, you are 5 blocks south of the base. Proceed with caution Lieutenant, the streets are full of reaper forces."

"Noted EDI," Steve popped open the Kodiak's small weapon locker. There was an older Avenger assault rifle, a Carnifex pistol and a handful of thermal clips. He clipped the pistol to his belt, loaded the rifle and popped the hatch.

Air hissed as the door released, opening to reveal a desolate street eerily lit by fires in a nearby building. He could hear the sounds of gunfire in the distance, but nothing close. Hopping down from the Kodiak he shouldered the rifle and headed north. All his senses were on alert as he slowly moved down the street. Eyes probed the nearby shadows, ears listening for the familiar groans of husks or the roar of a brute.

A ping rang out from his Omni-tool, almost causing him to jump. He pulled up the interface to find Vega smiling back at him. "Hey Esteban, I heard you tried to take on a few too many ravagers in that flying box of yours."

"I got one of them, Mr. Vega," he grinned, "Without crashing the shuttle into it." he added as Vega laughed.

"Alright, I'll give you one," he motioned to a group of marines behind him, "EDI sent us the Kodiak's coordinates, keep your ass put, we're coming out to get you."

"I'm fine James, don't waste...."

"Shut up Esteban, and get back in the shuttle. There's a good chunk of reaper forces between us and you." Vega cut the connection before Steve could say anything. Shaking his head he headed back to the shuttle to wait.

\-----------

Steve kept the comm unit on the shuttle open to Shepard's squad while he waited for Vega. Probably not the best idea, but he wanted to know how the team was doing, how Kaidan was doing. The blowback from the M90 Cain taking out the Reaper cannon just about deafened him, and then that scream; the banshee's wail filled the cabin. Steve's heart leapt into his throat as he hear the commands from Shepard, the desperation in John's voice as cannibals poured onto the roof, shooting the squad from their cover. Forcing them into the open to confront the banshee directly.

Steve wanted to respond, to encourage them, give them support, but any distraction right now would only hinder them. He heard Kaidan exclaim at the discovery of another Cain amongst the wreckage of the shuttle. Shepard called out for Liara and Kaidan to fall back as he brought the weapon to bear on the banshee.

Another explosion and this time the comms didn't survive it. Steve listened to the static in disbelief, a Cain missile that close.... He shook his head and slammed his finger down on the comm button.

"Shepard, do you read? This is Flight Lieutenant Steve Cortez. Come in Commander Shepard!" Only more static answered him. He opened the line again, "Shepard, Liara, Kaidan, anyone? Can you read me?" Silence was all he got in response to his pleas. He sunk back into the pilot's chair. He scrubbed his face, forgetting the gash and hissing as he tore at the bandages.

No, he thought, It's Shepard, they'll be fine - Kaidan will be fine. Further thoughts were interrupted by a pounding on the outside of the Kodiak.

"Yo, Esteban, you still alive in there?" Vega's voice was muffled by the door.

Steve stood, "Yeah," he called out, pulling the hatch release. He was greeted by the sight of a grinning Vega and several marines, all covered in reaper goo. "Looks like you boys had a bit of fun on the way here."

Vega laughed, "Just a bit, should be clear for the way back, come on."

Steve dropped out of the shuttle and fell into step beside the big marine as the rest of squad formed up around them. They walked in silence for a few minutes, ever alert for more Reaper forces. The sounds of gunfire had lessened since the last time Steve had been out of the shuttle. "Sounds like it's going better," Steve commented.

Vega shrugged, "A bit, Loco took out the last cannon and we got more forces dropped in. Pushed the reapers back towards the beam a bit."

Steve wanted to ask, wanted to know if the other marine had heard anything from Shepard, but part of him didn't. Didn't want to know truth, didn't want to hear they'd lost the ground team. The silence stretched between them as they got closer to London base.

As they entered the base Steve stopped and scanned the nearby landing pad for shuttles. "Hey man," Vega came to stand next to him, "You okay?"

Steve nodded, his eyes still to the skies, "Yeah, just a few scratches...." he trailed off as an alliance shuttle appeared, and flew over alighting next to to the command center of the London base.

Shepard jumped out, Liara on his tail. A moment and then a familiar blue armored figured followed. They all looked dirty and exhausted, but otherwise unharmed. Steve let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"Relax Esteban, Shepard wouldn't let anything happen to the Major," Vega clapped him on the shoulder, "Besides Alenko is one tough bastard too."

The person in question turned from talking with Shepard and Liara. Steve wanted nothing more than to run to the biotic and hold him in his arms, reassure himself Kaidan was okay. The biotic simply gave him a smile and turned to follow Shepard, probably off to talk to Anderson or Hackett.

"Come on, let's get you looked after," Vega guided the pilot towards a makeshift triage tent.

The marine hung around while the salarian on duty checked over Steve. The pilot figited as the doctor cleaned and re-bandaged the wound. The doctor threw him a few irritated glances and Steve tired to keep still, but he didn't want to be there right now.

"Relax man," Vega smiled, "I'm sure Shepard will let him free for a few minutes before they make the final push."

"Yeah," Steve smiled faintly, he hoped so, but the way things were quickly falling apart he couldn't imagine anyone having the time for anything besides pushing on. As the salarian bandaged a gash on his arm, one he'd never even realized he'd gotten, Shepard's voice came over their comms.

"Lieutenant Vega, report to the command center."

"Aye Commander," the big marine grabbed his gear and gave a friendly wave to Steve as he left.

"Hey," Steve called after him, "Be careful out there, Mr. Vega"

The marine grinned, "You too Esteban, I'll see you when all this is over," With those words he departed from the tent, leaving Steve alone.

"Wound bandaged, will be fine. Here," the salarian handed him a small bottle of pills, "Not much but will help if pain gets worse."

"Thanks," Steve nodded, pocking the pills as he stood and headed back outside. The sky was still dark and turian fighters flew overhead, joining in on the fight for the beam. Marines trotted back and forth, assembling into squads, checking over gear, getting ready for the final push. There was a dull roar as the Makos for the push fired up; squad leaders shouting as groups headed for their respective transports.

Steve weaved through the crowds, heading in the general direction of the commander center. Maybe he could bump into Shepard, see if there was anything he could do. The shuttles were grounded, useless in the final push, but maybe they could give him a Trident, let him help. He was so absorbed in his thoughts he didn't see the figure approach him. Before he knew it he had been grabbed and pulled into a dimly lit, dead end hallway. He made a startled noise before he realized who it was.

"Kaidan..." Steve was enveloped in armored arms before he could say more. He wrapped his arms as best he could around the biotic, and rested his face on the cool plating of Kaidan's armor.

"I thought I'd lost you..." Kaidan's voice was quiet and husky in his ear.

"I may have forgot I was flying a Kodiak...if I'd had my Trident.." Steve trailed off as the Major pinned him with a look. Armored hands gently cupped the sides of his face, pulling him towards eager lips. They came together, Kaidan's tongue probing the depths of his mouth, a moan tearing from both of them as hands began sliding over hips, pulling themselves closer to each other, lips never parting. Steve found himself grinding against Kaidan, heedless of the fact that the man was still wearing armor.

Kaidan finally pulled back, almost gasping for air, "Steve...I....if I don't..."

"Shhh," Steve placed a finger to his lips, "You'll be fine, I...."

"Major Alenko," Shepard's voice crackled over their comms, "It's time Major...." there was a pause, "Sorry Steve."

Sighing heavily the biotic responded, "Aye Commander, on my way."

Steve leaned in for one last quick kiss, "Be safe Kaidan, I'll be waiting for you."

The Major nodded, "You too," he responded softly, and turning on his heel he walked from hallway, unable to look back.


	2. Chapter 2

"We're going to have to make a run for it," Anderson's voice carried over the din of the battle raging around them.

"Shepard!" Kaidan pointed as Harbinger descended near the beam, menacing screech tearing through the air.

Shepard cursed, that was going to make things harder. He looked to his team, bruised, dirty, a little bloodied, but looking to him with total confidence.

"We're going to have to make that push, we need to get to that beam," he hesitated, he normally wouldn't think twice before pushing into combat, especially with Garrus and Kaidan at his side, but now.....this was more than likely a one way trip, "I can't order you...hell I can't even ask you to go with me..."

"We're going with you, " Garrus interrupted, hefting his rifle, checking the scope, "You won't make it without us."

Kaidan nodded his agreement, "We're with you Shepard, let's kill these bastards for good."

Shepard grinned, "Alright," he signaled Anderson and Hammer began the final push, Shepard and his team at the forefront of the charge.

Explosions rocked the terrain around them but they kept their footing pushing onwards. Gunfire echoed over their heads, husks and brutes groaned as they were taken down. Makos roared by, massive guns firing at anything with reaper tech.

Above all of it the scream of Harbinger's main cannon tore through the sky. Beams slammed into the ground, tearing up the earth forcing Shepard and his squad to duck and roll.  
A blast hit a Mako in front of them, sending it rolling into the air with a screech of tearing metal. Shepard slid under the tumbling vehicle but the landing impact caught Kaidan and Garrus. The Commander turned and leapt back over the now still husk of the tank, pulling Kaidan into cover. Garrus slammed into the tank beside them, gun at the ready, picking off the few husks that spotted them.

"Shit," John cursed, seeing the Major's condition, "We need to get you back to the Normandy," he pulled up his comm link before Kaidan could stop him, "Joker I need a pick up, NOW!"

"Aye Commander," the pilot acknowledged.

"Shepard I'm fine," Kaidan protested, hand clamped to his side, gasping for air.

"Bullshit." John stated, he turned to Garrus, "When the Normandy gets here you get him on board and then get the hell out of here."

"Shepard..." Garrus began, but the look the Commander gave him pulled his protest up short, "Aye, Commander."

"John, you can't...." Kaidan began, determined to try to stop his commander, his friend from doing this.

"I have to Kaidan," Shepard smiled softly, "Keep an eye on Liara for me, will you?"

"Shepard," he grabbed the armored arm of his friend, "You're going to make it through this."

John chuckled, "I'll do my best," he glanced up as the roar of massive engines announced the Normandy's arrival. The Commander mask slipped back into place, "Go go go!" He shoved Garrus and Kaidan towards the ramp, peppering nearby husks with cover fire.

Stumbling, most of his weight being supported by the Garrus, Kaidan made it onto the ramp and collapsed. Garrus turned his attention from the biotic to grab a blue figure about to run by him.

"Garrus! Let me go!" Liara struggled in his grip."I have to go with him." She reached towards the figure standing just at the bottom of the ramp.

Shepard saw her and gave a smile before ordering the Normandy back into the air. She let loose a heart-wrenching wail as the ship began to pull away. "No...."

Kaidan felt the ramp slowly close, locking them away from the screams and howls of the ongoing battle. The dim lights of the docking bay became the only source of light, Liara's soft sobs the only sound as the Normandy headed away from Earth.

"Major," Chakwas entered his line of sight, she held a syringe in one hand, "This will help with the pain," she told him as she injected it into his system.

"What...no I need to.." he tried to push her hand away and struggled to push himself off the floor.

"You need to do nothing," her voice firm as she gently pushed him back down, "You're in bad shape, relax.."

He tried to mutter a response but his eyelids were heavy, so heavy. He let them slide closed for a minute, just a minute and then he'd go back to help John.

\--_--

Steve was hunkered down with a squad near the London base. Thermal clips running low, more than a few of the men down with injuries, and the roar of more husks on the way. He popped up, put a few rounds into one of cannibals menacing their position.

"Come on Shepard," he muttered to himself, "Take these bastards down."  
As the words left his mouth there was a concussive boom and then bright light rolled over them.

Silence followed, and then the closest Reaper gave a screech of metal and toppled earthward.

"Sonoffa bitch did it!" a nearby Marine broke the silence with a cheer. The squad slowly stood, guns still at the ready.

But there was nothing, no husks, no cannibals and no more unearthly banshees wails. Reapers were falling all around them, their guns no longer piercing the air with their screams.

Steve stood, lowering his weapon, eyes searching the skies for the shilouette of a familiar ship. He was jostled from his search as one of the marines clapped him on the shoulder.

"Come on, we got a ride back to forward base. Let's get you back to your ship fly boy," the marine gave a friendly grin and pointed towards approaching troop transports.

"Yeah," Steve agreed softly, eyes returning to the skies. He figured comms were down, but he still hoped something, anything would come through. Boarding the transport he took a seat near the back. He closed his eyes and let his head rest against the wall behind him, relaxing and listening to the excited chatter of the marines around him.

\--_--

The transport finally rolled to a stop, and Steve hopped out with the marines into the chaos of the London base. The atmosphere was radically changed from only a few hours ago. Cheers rang through the air, hopeful chatter filled the area as friends and squad mates found each other alive.

Steve pushed through to the command center, hoping to find news of the Normandy and Shepard. He entered the building, weaving through celebrating crowds until he found Admiral Hackett.

"Sir," Cortez saluted.

Hackett turned to face him, "Lieutenant..." he paused as he groped for his name.

"Cortez, sir," he supplied.

"Right, sorry, Shepard's shuttle pilot."

Steve nodded, "What's the status of the Commander and the Normandy?"

Hackett shook his head, eyes weary, "We don't know, we lost contact with both Shepard and the Normandy after the Crucible fired," he turned as someone handed him a data pad.

Steve felt his heart drop. No, they had to have survived the blast, he couldn't lose....

"I'm sorry Lieutenant," Scanning over the contents of the data pad Hackett shook his head, cutting through Steve's thoughts, "There things that require my attention."

"Sir," he saluted, only years of military training kept him from breaking down in front of the Admiral.

Hackett glanced up from his report, "We'll keep you and any of the remaining crew of the Normandy updated on anything we find."

"Thank you, sir," his voice felt hollow, even to his own ears, as he turned and walked  
from the room.

Steve's feet carried him through the halls on instinct alone. He couldn't believe this was happening again, the war tearing someone else from him. His next thought was to find a dark corner to be alone for awhile, to let his grief out, but he knew he couldn't.

Come on , he thought to himself, pull yourself together.

He was so focused on his own inner dialogue that he didn't hear his name being called. A large hand finally gripped his arm.

"Esteban!"

He looked up to see Vega standing next to him, concern on his face, "You okay man?"

"I....the Normandy..." was all he managed to get out before his throat felt like it was closing up.

"Oh, shit, Esteban.." Vega struggled to find words and Steve felt himself smiling at the rare sight.

"It's okay Mr. Vega," he finally managed. He took a deep breath and pulled himself up straight, "Let's see what we can do to help."

Vega nodded and they head outside. As they exited the building Steve looked skyward.  
The Reapers were gone, the galaxy was safe and maybe, just maybe, somewhere out there was a single ship that held his future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, why did I pair Shep with Liara??? There are days I regret that decision for the sole fact I have NO idea how to write her -.- It's not that I hate her character, I just don't take her anywhere with me.....or talk to her.....or interact with her.....so I don't really have any kind of feel for her. (Damn you Bioware for giving me the ability to fill my ground squad with delicious, sexy men!-.-) So if she's ever OOC, I apologize now^^


	3. Chapter 3

The morning after saw Cortez and Vega out helping to look for survivors. Digging through the rubble of London and fallen pieces of the Citadel was a good distraction for now. Steve clambered up and over larger obstacles while Vega pushed rocks and debris aside, looking for anyone still caught.

Despite the job at hand Steve found his thoughts continually drifting to Kaidan. The biotic had firmly cemented himself into the pilot's life over the last few weeks, bringing him out of the hole he'd been in since Robert's death. If only he hadn't crashed the shuttle, if only he'd been a better pilot he might be still be on the Normandy now, where ever it was. He'd be with Kaidan instead of slugging through the ruins of London.

"Hey Esteban!" Vega's shout broke him from his thoughts, "Can you check that piece over there? There's no way I can get to it from down here." the marine pointed at a large piece of what looked like Citadel, wedged high up against a building.

"Sure thing Mr. Vega," he called clambering up to the wreckage. As he approached it he thought he could hear something. He pushed a beam aside to uncover a hollow space within. "Hello?" he called, turning sideways to slip into the enclosed space.

"Steve?" a rough voice coughed out his name.

"Shepard?" he breathed out in disbelief. He hurried further in to find the Commander slumped against the back wall, armor melted, blood oozing from numerous wounds, but still the typical half grin on his face. He knelt next to the man, pulling medi gel packages from his pockets. He slathered it over the worst of the wounds he could see. "What happened?" he asked as he continued his task.

Shepard shook his head, "Honestly, I'm still not sure, " he grimaced as the cooling effect of the gel started to numb his wounds. "Liara?"

"The Normandy...." he sighed, "It's MIA. Communications are down and the relays are out of commission at the moment. We don't know....."

"Shit...." Shepard closed his eyes, face gradually shaping into the determined Commander face, "Help me up Cortez," he held his hand out and the pilot gripped it, pulling him to his feet.

Shepard took a few tentative steps and gripped the wall, steadying himself. Steve came to stand next to him, "Lean on me."

Shepard nodded and Steve slung one arm over his shoulder. As John leaned into him he guided him forward and out of the wreckage.

"Loco!" the bigger marine was grinning as they slowly made their way down to ground level.

"Vega," Shepard greeted him with a nod, "Can we get a lift, or we walking?" he smiled tiredly.

"I'm on it Loco," Vega pulled up his Omnitool to contact the base. As the lieutenant argued for a ride, Shepard turned his attention back to Steve.

"I'm sorry," he spoke softly, eyes downcast.

"Commander?"

Before John could continue Vega interrupted, "We got a ride, transport's on the way out for us," the big marine grinned, "I think they're pretty excited to come get you Loco."

Shepard gave a huff of a laugh, "Yeah we'll they better not expect anything more out of me. I'm not quite up to it right now."

Steve was silent as Vega joked around with the Commander, he wanted to know what Shepard had been about to say. The only feasible thing he could imagine the commander apologizing for would be if he banged up the Kodiak, but Steve had already done that.

Or it was about Kaidan....

Steve felt fear grip his heart, Kaidan had been with Shepard for the final push. What if he hadn't made it onto the Normandy, what if he'd been with Shepard until the end?

"John," Steve interrupted the conversation, eyes locking with Shepard's, "Was Kaidan with you on the Citadel?"

The thought of the biotic buried in all this rubble threatened to overwhelm him, he turned, preparing to dig back in where he had found Shepard.

"No," Shepard shook his head, hand reaching out to stop the pilot, "He's on the Normandy."

Steve turned a questioning gaze back on his Commander, but before he could say anything the promised troop transport arrived. Admiral Hackett emerged to greet them, leaving  
Steve to wonder what John had been about to tell him.

"Commander Shepard!"

Shepard didn't even try to salute, "Sir," he nodded instead.

A medic followed the Admiral and immediately tended to John, taking the commander's weight from Steve.

"Well done, the both of you," Hackett turned his attention to the two lieutenants as Shepard was looked after.

"Thank you sir," Vega saluted, nudging Cortez as he did so. Steve broke from his train of thought to nod an acknowledgement and salute tiredly.

"Let's get you all back to base and cleaned up. There's going to be a hero's welcome for them boys that found Commander Shepard."

Steve followed them into the transport, but he didn't feel like the hero Hackett kept calling him. He sat in silence for the trip back to the base, head in his hands, arms braced on his knees. Vega sat next to him at one point, but when he didn't say anything the big marine left him to his thoughts.

Once they arrived at base he waited until everyone else had rose and started off the transport before he stood. He tired to pull himself together, he could hear the excited chatter filtering in from outside, it wouldn't do to break down in front of the crowd; not now, not when they needed every shred of hope to pull through the reconstruction.

One foot in front of the other, come on Steve, you can do this, he mentally coached himself. Straightening he headed down the ramp and out into the crowds. Vega and Shepard were waiting at the bottom as Hackett addressed the gathered crowd. Shepard motioned Steve over to stand beside him.

"We'll find them," John didn't turn to face him, but his voice was resolute.

"Sir?"

"As soon as this fanfare is done we're going to go looking for them," he turned to face Steve then, determination on his face, eyes bright, "And we're going to find them."

\--_--

Kaidan felt himself coming out of the blackness, consciousness slowly returning to him. He gradually opened his eyes to find himself in the Normandy's med bay. Dimmed lights and silence greeted his awakening.

He groaned and slowly sat up, hissing as his wounds protested.

"EDI?" he called out.

The comm unit crackled and then Joker's voice came thorough, "Sending Chakwas to you Major," the pilot's voice was subdued and carried none of its normal levity.  
Before he could ask anything the doors to the med bay slid open and Dr. Chakwas entered the room.

"Major," she greeted as she came to stand beside him, "Glad to see you're finally awake," she smiled a little as she began to check over his wounds, moving bandages and poking bruises.

"How long have I been out?"

"Two weeks," Chakwas informed him as she made notes on her datapad, "Your wounds were serious, circumstances forced me to keep your under until you had sufficiently recovered."

"Two weeks?" he shook his heads, "What happened? The Reapers..."

"Are gone, or at least we assume so," she set the data pad down and turned her full attention to the Major, "The blast from the Crucible disabled us. We crashed in an unknown sector. The crew has just finally got the Normandy in working order again, however communications are still down." She sighed, "We don't know what happened, without comms we don't know what happened to Earth, or Shepard."

"Liara?"

"Doing well, Garrus has been keeping her busy enough. It's Joker that's the problem. The blast that we assume took out the Reapers also did something to EDI. She hasn't responded since."

Kaidan's heart went out to the man, he couldn't imagine what he was going through right now.

"Who do we have on board?"

"Us aside, Garrus, Tali, Liara, Joker, Traynor, Adams and a good sized crew. Everyone else is still on Earth."

Steve... he closed his eyes for a second, hoping that the pilot was safe on Earth. When he reopened them, Chakwas was watching him intently. "Am I cleared for duty?"

Chakwas nodded, "Yes, but try to keep it light, no biotics until I get a better assessment."

Kaidan nodded in compliance. He slid from the bed and pulled on a clean uniform someone had thoughtfully left him. Pulling up his Omnitool he called everyone to a meeting in the CIC. He needed to get up to speed so they could get out of here and back to Earth.  
Striding from the med bay he made a beeline for the cupboard that housed the protein bars. Shoving one in his mouth and several more into his pockets he headed for the elevator. It thankfully crawled upwards toward the CIC; Kaidan took the opportunity to shove another dry, tasteless bar into his mouth. He wiped the crumbs from his mouth as the doors dinged open.

"Major," Joker saluted him as he stepped from the elevator. He waved the salute off, nodding to the rest of those gathered.

Liara stood off by herself, eyes downcast and dark circles under them. She clutched a data pad in hand as she returned the nod. Garrus stood protectively close to Tali, clearly their relationship was no longer being hidden. Kaidan felt happy for them but felt a pang of jealousy at the same time.

"Major," Traynor handed him a datapad with files and files of reports and updates. He glanced quickly over the pad and then turned to his companions.

"Alright, give me the quick versions."

Tali and Adams glanced at each other, then Tali nodded, "The drive core is up and running, we're clear to take off whenever you give the go ahead."  
Garrus nodded, "We're structurally sound too, she's space worthy."

"Communications?"

Traynor stepped up, "Short range is up, but long range is still down. We need to find an active relay beacon if we want to even attempt to contact Earth."

"Joker?" he asked softly.

The smaller man sighed, "Navigation's in place, I can get us home."

Kaidan left any questions about EDI for now, he'd ask later, in private. "Alright, let's get the Normandy off the ground and get home."

Salutes and acknowledgements followed as the crew headed off to thier respective stations.  
Kaidan followed Joker to the cockpit. It was silent, an air of depression hung over the cabin. EDI's body was still in the co-pilot's seat, looking all the world like she would just up and rejoin them.

"What happened? " Kaidan asked quietly once Joker was seated.

A minute passed as Joker keyed commands into the console. Finally he sighed, "Whatever Shepard did when he fire the Crucible, the wave it sent out disabled EDI," he paused as a warning light flashed. A few gestures and the lights flicked off, he continued, "Tali has tried a few things, but getting the drive core up and running was deemed a higher priority." The pilot made a face at this. "She said once we were on the way home she'd try again, but....." he trailed off, shaking his head.

Kaidan placed a companionable hand on Joker's shoulders, there wasn't much he could say to the pilot that probably hadn't already been said, but he at least wanted to him to know he wasn't alone.

Turning he headed out of the cockpit, he needed his own time alone to process everything that had happened and to go through the files Traynor had given him. Making a beeline for the elevator he headed back to the crew deck and the refuge of the Starboard lounge.

The doors to the lounge slid open as Kaidan walked through, eyes trained on the data pad, absorbing information. He slid onto the couch facing the massive side window, then grunted as something kept him from sitting comfortably. He put the pad aside to pull out whatever it was he sat on. He froze as he found himself holding Steve's hoodie, a simple black affair with a silver Alliance Navy logo on it; something Kaidan had bought for him after teasing the pilot that he always came to bed freezing cold.

His eyes closed as brought the bunched fabric up to his face. It still smelled like Steve, standard alliance issue body wash, grease from the Kodiak and something else, that one thing Kaidan could never put his finger on, but was distinctly Steve. He smiled and slung the hoodie over his shoulders, letting it fall over him like a blanket. Feeling somehow comforted, he picked up the datapad and continued his reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Shepard is healing that fast; he's goddamn Commander Shepard and he can do what he wants! ^^
> 
> Also, as much as I'd like to believe the Normandy would get off planet that fast I don't really buy it; even the most awesome spaceship ever would take some damage landing like that. >.>  
> As well, space magic or no, no one takes a Mako to the face and is up and walking a few hours later. *glares at Kaidan*  
> So yeah, everyone gets to chill on random planet for a bit:D


	4. Chapter 4

The first few days after they found Shepard went by Steve in a blur of activity. Vega continued to drag him out daily to help with rebuilding and repairs. Sometimes they even joined in the crews looking for those that could be found; sifting through rubble and debris, hoping to find one of many on the lists of MIA.

Shepard had healed fast, thanks to his Cerberus implants. He'd spent everyday since being released from the hospital trying to convince Hackett to give him a ship so he and a small crew could go find the Normandy. But ships were in short supply, and Hackett's patience even more so. More often than not John found himself ordered to one end of London or the other, helping with this incident or that. He'd return to the crew's shared quarters just as exhausted as the rest of them, but somehow still full of hope that tomorrow would be the day Hackett finally broke.

Steve always came in shortly after Shepard, checking in with him before collapsing into his standard issue cot. Staring at the darkened ceiling his thoughts would drift to Kaidan until he slipped into a dreamless, exhausted sleep. Despite all of Shepard's optimism and all Vega's assurances, it was beginning to get harder and harder to keep his spirits up.   
Trudging home from the latest day of clean up, he grinned a little as Vega recounted his efforts to scrounge up some liquor and gather everyone together for drinks and some downtime after the long day. Most of the crew, minus Shepard, were sitting around when they arrived at their shared quarters. Vega started passing around drinks and the stories started up. Steve sat next to Vega, head down, staring into his glass.

"Hey Esteban, you okay man?" Vega placed a companionable hand on the pilot's shoulder, concern in his voice.

Steve shrugged, "I don't know anymore, James," he responded quietly, voice rough from the liquor.

"The Normandy's coming back, she'll show up any day now, you'll see."

The pilot said nothing, just continued to stare into his glass.

Before Vega could say anything else Shepard appeared from the shadows, "Steve," his voice was quiet, "Come with me."

"Sir?" Steve looked up from his glass, eyes questioning.

"Come on, there's something I need to talk to you about."

Standing slowly, a little tipsy from the drinks, he followed Shepard away from the group. As the proceeded through the darkened streets John said nothing, steps slow enough for Steve to keep up. The pilot wanted to ask what was up, but the stoic look on the Commander's face kept hm from asking. They approached the current operations base, guards nodding to Shepard as they cleared the checkpoint.

They headed down into areas Steve had never seen; areas he didn't have, and never would have, clearance for. They stopped outside a non descript door. A singe guard flanked the door.

"He's almost done Commander."

Shepard nodded, body sliding into parade rest. Steve mimed the pose, the liquor induced fuzz fading from his brain. As the minutes passed he found his thoughts drifting to Kaidan. He was so deep in thought he didn't hear the door open right away.

"Commander," Hackett's voice brought Steve back to the present. The admiral motioned to the room, "They're all yours."

"Thank you sir," Shepard saluted and then motioned for Steve to follow him into the room. 

The room was small, only containing a few seats and a small terminal. A door in the far wall was slightly a jar and hushed voices drifted through. Shepard motioned to the door, face still unreadable.

Steve crossed the room, footsteps echoing slightly in the empty space. As he approached the door the voices stopped. He put his hand on the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open. As the room and its occupants came into view Steve stopped cold.

There, sitting calmly in worn BDU's, coffee cup in hand, was Kaidan. His brain barely registered the greetings of the rest of the crew, Liara, Garrus, Tali and Joker. He managed a coherent nod in their direction, but his attention was focused solely on the Major.

Kaidan stood, smiling at Steve's reaction, a few quick strides and he was across the room, almost chest to chest with the pilot.

"Steve..." his voice whispered in greeting.

"Kaidan..." he reached a hand out to cup his lover's cheek, stroking his fingers over the familiar stubble. Arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him in closer. He titled his head back, eyes closing as Kaidan slid a hand around the back of his neck. 

"Hey Esteban!" Vega's voice cut through the moment, jarring Steve.

The pilot's eyes flew open, the room vanishing, to be replaced by the marine's grinning face. 

"No...." 

"You passed out and fell off your chair," Vega held out a hand.

Steve glanced to the side to see the rest of the group drinking and laughing. Shepard had joined them but was off to the side, nursing a drink. He took the offered hand and let his friend pull him back into the chair. Sitting back he let the conversations wash over him. He could still feel where the Kaidan of his dream had held him around the waist; his hand still tingled from the stubble.

Glancing around he decided he needed to get out, be on his own for a bit. Standing he headed outside, into the darkened courtyard of the complex they were staying at. He stopped at the fence, leaning on it, gazing over London.  
Footsteps sounded behind him and Shepard soon leaned on the fence beside him.

"Hey."

"Shepard," he nodded, eyes still focused on the landscape in front of him.

The two men stayed silent for a bit, the only sounds drifting up from the base further down the hill. 

"I know it's hard Steve," John finally said, voice low, "But you need to hold on, we'll find them."

"I'd never give up on him," Steve's voice was low, but passionate, "Never, but Shepard it's...." he trailed off, not sure how to put his thoughts into words. He loved Kaidan, with everything he had, but the not knowing, the waiting, it was hard, taxing. There were days he almost couldn't bring himself to get out of bed. It was.....it was Robert all over again, but worse.

"Robert was hard," he finally continued, "But at least I knew. With Kaidan....god with Kaidan it's harder...."

"Not knowing is harder," Shepard supplied softly.

"Yeah, it is," he turned to his commander and friend, "But there are days I just feel like if I don't get out, if I don't get away from everything that reminds me of him.....I'm going to lose it." His eyes held Shepard's pleading with him to understand.

John placed a hand on his shoulder, "I can't even being to imagine going through this a second time," he sighed, "Give me another week to work on Hackett, one week, and then, if leaving is what you need to do....then do it."

Steve nodded, "Okay...okay," he finally smiled a little, "Thank you for understanding."

"Of course," Shepard broke into a grin, "Now let's go back inside, Vega spent a good amount of time and money on securing us this booze."

Feeling somehow lighter, Steve followed John back into the building. Vega greeted his return with another drink. Sinking back into his seat beside the big marine, he threw John another smiled before tossing back whatever liquor his friend had handed him.

\--_--

"Major?" Traynor's voice cut through his dreamless sleep. Pulling himself from the depths of sleep, he opened his eyes to find the comm specialist looking down at him with a soft smile.

"Sorry Sir, but we're ready for take off."

"Thanks Traynor," his voice rough from sleep. Rubbing his eyes he stood, stretching, working the kinks from his back from sleeping sitting up. He slid the hoody from his shoulders and gently folded it, leaving it on the couch. He fell into step beside Traynor as they headed for the elevator and the CIC. They rode up in relative silence, Kaidan's thoughts once again on the missing shuttle pilot. The door slid open and they stepped into the CIC. 

"She's all set Major," Joker greeted him with a salute.

Tali nodded her agreement, "As soon as we're underway Traynor will being trying to find a communication beacon. As soon as we have contact with Erth we'll let you know."

"Alright," Kaidan nodded, "Let's get the hell out of here."

Joker headed for a cockpit and in minutes the familiar hum of the mass effect engines flooded the deck. With a sigh of relief Kaidan turned to the quarian still standing next to him, "EDI?" he asked.

Tali nodded, "I've already started looking into it," she shrugged, "Unless I'm terrible mistaken I should be able to have her up and running before we return to Earth."

"Really?"

"Of course, just don't tell Joker. On the off chance it doesn't work I don't..." she trailed off.

"Yeah, I get it Tali. Don't worry, I'll keep my mouth shut."

He felt her hand come to rest on his arm, "How are you holding up?" she asked softly.

"Alright," he patted her hand, "We'll be home soon hopefully and...."

"Major," Joker's voice came over the comm, "We have a problem."

"What is it?"

There was silence for a minute, then, "You're going to need to see this sir."

Kaidan hurried to the cockpit, Tali on his heels. 

As the door slid shut behind them he turned to the pilot, "What?"

Joker pointed to the mass relay, or rather, what was left of it.

"Shit."

"Yeah, no kidding, Major."

"Can we still make it home?"

Joker nodded, "but it's going to take longer, like a month or so, instead of hours."

Kaidan cursed.

"Food supplies will hold out," Tali offered, "And the Normandy is in good shape, we'll be alright."

"Fine. Traynor," he called into the comm.

"Sir,"

"The relay is gone, we're going to be okay, but get a roster set up for the next month, and inform the crew of the situation."

"Yes, sir."

He turned to Tali, "I need you to put every effort into getting EDI up and running, Joker can't pilot this thing for a month straight and we have no relief pilot with us," he chocked a little on that one, reminded once again that he had no idea where   
Steve was, or if he was even alive.

"I will Kaidan."

"Alright, I'll be down in engineering with Adams. Have Traynor inform me if we make contact with Earth." With his orders in place he headed for engineering.

It was going to be a long trip.


End file.
